Dear (You):
Fire-witch Kallie wants to free her people from their centuries old conflict with the vampires, but not if it means dying on the sacrificial altar to distribute her magic among her people. Ostracized for her immense power and the unforgivable sin of living, Kallie builds a new life outside the coven. She then endures the death of her police detective husband, only to have her fragile existence toppled again when she's captured and tortured by a sadistic vampire searching for true immortality.
Surviving the vicious attack leaves Kallie with a choice: to die and delay the deadly vampire threat to her people, or fight for the freedom to live. Kallie's private battle becomes a full-out war as she gains werewolf allies and earns their friendship, and opens her heart to the possibility of love within the pack.
But, as Kallie and her new pack-mates hunt for the vampire who seeks to destroy them all, she is forced to choose between an old friendship and her new love. When her choice leads to the worst betrayal imaginable, she must survive and bring an end to the blood-war that promises the destruction of witches, werewolves, and humans alike.
A fantasy novel for adults, BLOODWITCH, RITE OF PASSAGE is a complete work at 83,000 words, and would be enjoyed by fans of Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series, and has series potential. It would be my pleasure to forward the complete manuscript to you if you so desire. I appreciate your time and consideration.
Thank you,
Me.
I'm horrible at these...just ask Emily, but I'll give it a go:) I put my comments in all caps and just so you know, I think you are on to something with this query. I really liked it. Good luck! When will you begin querying?
ReplyDeleteDear (You):
Fire-witch Kallie wants to free her people from their centuries old conflict with the vampires, but not if it means dying on the sacrificial altar to distribute her magic among her people.
SO LOVE THIS SENTENCE. IT GIVES US A TASTE OF WHO KALLIE IS AND SHOWS ME THAT SHE HAS A FLAW
Ostracized for her immense power and the unforgivable sin of living, Kallie builds a new life outside the coven.
AGAIN LOVE THIS
She then endures the death of her police detective husband, only to have her fragile existence toppled again when she's captured and tortured by a sadistic vampire searching for true immortality. I LIKE THIS, THINK THIS PART IS FOR SURE NEEDED BUT WONDER IF IT SHOULD BE REWORDED A BIT?
Surviving the vicious attack leaves Kallie with a choice: to die and delay the deadly vampire threat to her people, or fight for the freedom to live. Kallie's private battle becomes a full-out war as she gains werewolf allies and earns their friendship, and opens her heart to the possibility of love within the pack.
But, as Kallie and her new pack-mates hunt for the vampire who seeks to destroy them all, she is forced to choose between an old friendship and her new love. When her choice leads to the worst betrayal imaginable, she must survive and bring an end to the blood-war that promises the destruction of witches, werewolves, and humans alike.
A fantasy novel for adults, BLOODWITCH, RITE OF PASSAGE is a complete work at 83,000 words, and would be enjoyed by fans of Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series, and has series potential. It would be my pleasure to forward the complete manuscript to you if you so desire. I appreciate your time and consideration.
I wish I could explain further about what I meant in the reword bit above. I am thinking it is good information to have but for some reason that sentence didn't flow for me the way the rest of your query did.